‘Ting Hun’ for Dummies Sub: Asian Dragon gives you a step-by-step guide on how to pull off the most comprehensive ting hun, by the book—if you’re into that stuff By Jovi Figueroa Instant coffee, instant messaging, instant noodles, instant wedding—everyone is doing everything the easy way. With the consent of ‘modernity,’ a lot of people are taking the expressway of everything—even weddings. Countless of wedding planners, one-stop-wedding shops and “it’s okay, it’s not the Jurassic era anymore so it’s okay to compromise a bit” support groups have been mushrooming, luring couples into holding a condensed wedding—not that it’s a breeze pulling off even the simplest of weddings. When people hear the word ‘ting hun’ or ‘engagement,’ money is the first thing that comes to their mind. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not a futile point to make because preparing a ting hun indeed scoops out a huge chunk from your bank account. But what people are missing is the history behind the tradition, making their engagements not a celebration of culture but a mere scratch on the ceremony’s meaningful surface. But amidst all the one-step pancakes, there are still people who value the traditional albeit laborious way of doing things. They could do without the extra thousands on their wedding gown or shoes, but would never penny-pinch on account of the sacredness their culture upholds. What indeed does a true ting hun mean and entail? The history of the ting hun practice dates back to old China where a marriage is not a union of two hearts but an agreement between two families for social status or economic stability. The goal of every parent, especially those who are not too well off, is to marry off their daughter to a more prosperous family. The couple and the families would only really know each other through a matchmaker, who acts like a bridge between the two parties. Gifts from the groom-to-be would be sent to the bride-to-be through the matchmaker and the value of the gifts would be their gauge of the man’s ability to provide for the woman. Basically, it’s both an assurance to the woman’s family that she will be married to a good home, and a means by the man’s family to show appreciation to the woman’s family for raising an acceptable daughter-in-law. There are people who still see the merit in going traditional—from history appreciation, to culture celebration. So if you’re into that stuff, here are the ingredients in concocting a ting hun ceremony that has both heart and meat—to the dot, no compromises. WHAT THE MAN PREPARES AND BRINGS: • A pair of gold bangles to be tied together with a red string • A pair of engagement rings • A ladies watch • Necklace with a gold medallion • A set of jewelries placed in a red box • 2 pairs of ang paos (one pair has a bigger amount to pay for dowry and one pair has a smaller amount as pocket money for the bride) • An even number of fabrics (for the bride, for the parents, and for the grandparents as courtesy) • Four yards of red satin to cover the matrimonial mirror which is part of the girl’s dowry • One box of corsage • One box of boutonniere • An even number of flowers that do not come in the color white • One pair of sin na (a four-layered basket made out of bamboo) containing the following: ➢ An even number of pork (roast for Cantonese and canned pork legs for the Hokkien) ➢ An even number of fruits ➢ An even number of boxes of misua ➢ An even number of candy bags (preferably chocolate coins) ➢ An even number of fruits ➢ An even number of boxes of biscuits, cookies and crackers • An even number of boxes with Chinese hopia, each containing four kinds of Chinese delicacies (minimum of 12 sets) WHAT THE WOMAN PREPARES AND BRINGS: • Men’s watch • Necklace with a gold medallion • Two cakes (one cake with the name of the groom and one cake with the name of the bride, both preferably in Chinese characters) • Two pairs of pomelos • Two kilos of uncooked rice • 120 pieces of raw egg • Charcoal • Five kinds of grain • Yen chi tiak sim (a form of confetti consisting of tea leaves and pieces of aluminum foil) • A set of Chinese hopia • Two yards of red satin for the groom’s sash • Fabric for the groom’s suit or barong • Sweet tea for the tea ceremony • Sweet eggs and cha misua • A set of yee seet containing food items that bring luck such as rock sugar, sugar-coated peanuts, red dates, sweetened wintermelon, four red hard-boiled eggs, charcoal, ginger, dried pork tendons, taro with many small roots and long tendrils of a sweet potato plant • Son-in-law cakes and son-in-law biscuits • Peanut cakes OTHER TING HUN ESSENTIALS: • An auspicious date for the engagement • The engagement should be publicized in a local Chinese magazine on the day of the engagement so no formal invitations should be sent out • All betrothal gifts and pastries should be labeled with sang hee or double happiness stickers • A ‘good luck auntie’ who has both her parents alive, in her middle age, is still with her original spouse, with many children and grandchildren, with a zodiac sign that’s compatible with the couple, and lived a relatively good life • Pregnant women, engaged couples, and those who are under a zodiac sign that is incompatible with the couple’s signs are not allowed in the ceremony THE CEREMONY (FINALLY!) The engagement day is here and the party troops to the bride’s house for the ceremony. To keep the ceremony as traditional as possible, it is encouraged to hold the ceremony at the bride’s house and not in a restaurant for mere convenience. The man arrives one hour before the ceremony begins and starts arranging the multitude that is the betrothal gifts. The amount of his entourage should be an even number, most often between six and 12. The woman receives the party with the same number of entourage, bearing in mind the people who are not allowed in the ceremony. The ceremony is divided into three parts for ease of memory: Jewelry, Tea, and Eggs and Misua. Once everyone has settled, the first part of the ceremony begins with the bride-to-be walking backwards towards her betrothed, escorted by the ‘good luck auntie.’ A female family member of the bride goes around and hands out red or orange juice as welcome refreshment, serving from the eldest to the youngest, before giving a glass to the couple. The man then pins the corsage on the woman, and the woman reciprocates with the boutonniere. The groom’s family’s acceptance of the bride is displayed as the mother puts on the bride the gold bangles, the father sets the gold medallion necklace, and the eldest member of the entourage puts on her the betrothal watch. The bride’s family does the same and puts on the necklace and watch on the groom. Finally, with the couple feeling dolled-up with the amount of jewelry placed on them, they slip the engagement ring on each other’s finger. All the other gifts are then presented to the bride, hopefully not to overwhelm her, but to show the groom’s appreciation to the bride’s family for a wonderful daughter. The second part of the ceremony is the traditional tea ceremony where the couple serves tea to the members of their families. The groom’s family is served first as the groom holds the tray while the bride gives the tea to each member. The groom would address each member with his/her corresponding honorifics, which the bride would repeat before serving the tea. The same will be done with the bride’s family, now with the bride holding the tray and the groom serving the tea. The tea serving will be done the same way the juice was served, from the eldest to the youngest. The bride’s mother then invites the witnesses to the dining area where the third part of the ceremony begins. The first course is the sweet tea soup containing two pieces of eggs and two pieces of red dates. If the guest is unable to finish the two eggs, he/she may cut the remaining egg in two to keep the even number of elements inside the bowl. The second course is the cha misua, also served in order of seniority. To cap off the ceremony, the groom will be accompanied by a male relative and will take the two cakes bearing his and his fiancé’s names around the block. When he returns from the drive around the block, he will keep the cake with the bride’s name on it and return the other to the bride. Before the reception takes place, the returning and distribution of the gifts commence. The rule that returning a gift is rude is a fallacy when it comes to a Chinese engagement. The ang paos that were given to the bride will be returned to the groom’s family and the baskets filled with gifts will be divided in half and returned to the groom. The flowers will also be distributed to the single ladies present in the ceremony. The peanut cakes from the bride will be given out to relatives who weren’t able to attend the wedding. The history of these peanut cakes dates back to old Chinese times when relatives used to live really far from each other so the moment they receive a peanut cake from a distant relative, it’s a clear announcement that the son of that family is already engaged. MAKING SENSE OF IT ALL At the end of the close-to-absurd amount of things to prepare, give and do, there is actually a heart to it all. The pair of gold bangle tied together signifies the groom’s family’s acceptance of the woman, and should never be pulled apart because it symbolizes the couple’s lifelong togetherness. This demonstration of acceptance and appreciation also goes true with the other jewelries that are exchanged. Rice means freedom from want; the overflowing eggs is a symbol of fertility; charcoal symbolizes the wish to bear sons; dried pork tendons mean the relationship is stable and will be hard to tear apart; the grain means general fruitfulness, in life and relationship; and even the roots and tendrils are believed to bring a long lasting relationship for the couple. The loose tea leaves in the confetti symbolize the hope that the couple will have as many descendants as the tea leaves (that’s a lot of pressure, if you ask me!). Each part of the ceremony also has its own significance. The bride’s backward walk at the start symbolizes the wish for a smooth transition from singlehood to couplehood while the red or orange juice denotes good luck and happiness. The gift giving ceremony, where most of the gifts are returned to the groom anyway, is actually to show that the groom’s family is generous and that the bride’s family is not greedy. The essence of the gift giving is not in the grandeur of the gifts but in the effort exerted by both parties in the elaborate preparation of the ting hun presents. The tea ceremony is the couple’s way of introducing each other to their relatives, since it’s going to get awkward however they choose to do it anyway. And the eggs and misua eating at the end of the ceremony is to signify happiness, long life, and fertility—because the 120 pieces of eggs, apparently, isn’t enough hopes for the bride’s fertility. The driving around the block with the two cakes before the reception is similar to forming a circle, thus, symbolizes the lifelong union of the bride and groom. One can also notice that all gifts are prepared in even numbers because the Chinese believe that all good things come in twos—yin and yang, man and woman, pansit and sio pao. After the hassle of the ting hun preparations and the making sense of it all, the real milestone for the couple is the sense of familiarity and belongingness that the ceremony hopes to establish between the two families. Aside from the reconnection to cultural roots, the ting hun ceremony acts as a preparation for the couple, psychosocially and emotionally, for the greater things they must face as husband and wife. But of course, that’s after they come out of their wedding preparations and wedding proper alive—which is a different story altogether.
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