C) What this course IS and IS NOT 1) NOT a course that teaches how to manipulate women into having sex with you a) What kind of man do you want to be? i) a pathetic man who needs to chase after women and sex with women just to boost his self-esteem? ii) a man who women love because he cares about them and learns how to please them? 2) It IS a course that teaches you how to give women what they want a) this is mutually beneficial b) what I want to help you create are win-win interactions B) How the course works 1) a foundation in theory, to promote psychological shifts a) most men’s psychological disposition around sex is not helpful - it is harmful - it’s all about “getting” and “winning” 2) learning skills and practicing them a) solo exercises 3) learning from visual examples II) Good Handz Theory A) Understanding Touch (and Body Language) 1) the primary sense a) the first to develop and therefore the most important b) you cannot live without your sense of touch c) babies will die without touch d) developmental disabilities e) touch is related to our “feelings” and our sense of reality “Touching is defined as "the action, or an act, of feeling some thing with the hand, etc." The operative word is feeling. Al though touch is not itself an emotion, its sensory elements induce those neural, glandular, muscular, and mental changes which in Page 2 of 18 www.goodhandz.com “contacting” v) “handing” somebody or a task vi) “thick-skinned. to verify..” have lost their grip” x) unfeeling people are “calloused” xi) “makes one’s skin crawl” xii) something good and true is “solid” xiii) “warm” people and “cold” people f) touch creates immediate physiological and emotional response Page 3 of 18 www. especially by some act of beauty or sympathy. "Touching: The Human Significance of the Skin" "...” “thin-skinned.combination we call an emotion. Hence touch is not experienced as a simple physical modality.” ix) “out of touch. The sign acts upon them as a signal to touch.” vii) something is real if it is “tangible” or “palpable” viii) people are “touchy." Quite frequently they will approach and test the surface with their fingers for themselves. Even faith rests ultimately upon a belief in the substance of things to come or of past events experienced.goodhandz.” -Ashley Montagu. as sensation.. What we perceive through the other senses as reality we actually take to be nothing more than a good hypothesis. Touch attests to "objective reality" in the sense of something outside that is not myself." -Ashley Montagu "Touching: The Human Significance of the Skin" . Observe how often people will respond to a sign reading "Wet Paint. as emotion. it is the state of being emotionally moved that we wish to describe.” “under one’s skin. When we speak of being touched.in the final analysis we do not believe in the reality of anything unless we can touch it.the vocabulary we use related to touch is voluminous i) “rubbing people the wrong way” ii) “stroking someone the right way” iii) “abrasive” or “prickly” personalities iv) getting “in touch” with somebody.com . but affectively. we must have tangible evidence. subject to the confirmation of touch. repulsion ii) fight or flight 5) 4 main types of touch a) many people interpret all touch as sexual i) probably due to their early conditioning and lack of experience with touch Page 4 of 18 www.com . especially b) a woman’s boundaries will be conveyed through BL i) you particularly want to look for open vs. closed body language 4) touch creates or destroys connection a) hands are tools that can create or destroy b) good touch creates connection.goodhandz.” James L. Halliday] c) think of the inferences you can make about somebody through their handshake 3) Body Language a) our body language conveys our true feelings i) pay attention to hands and face. closeness ii) good feelings. stimulating cortisol i) stress. i) stimulates neurochemicals ii) stimulates memories iv) creates unavoidable pleasure or pain 2) emotion transfers through touch (and Body Language) a) DePauw University studies b) a baby senses their parent’s anxiety and emotional struggle i) Wilhelm Reich discovered that babies pick up and express their parents’ emotions ii) “anxious mothers produce anxious babies” [“Psychosocial Medicine. bonding. discomfort. anxiety. stimulating oxytocin i) connection. safety. turn-on c) bad touch destroys connection. also. you must get comfortable. passing them on to the next generation a) physically healing i) increasing circulation ii) increasing nerve function iii) increasing energy flow iv) relieving tension and stress b) emotionally and psychologically healing [reversing the damage done in childhood and beyond] i) nurturing Page 5 of 18 www. with comforting touch . sensual touch 6) sex is an act of touch (and feeling) a) sex is essentially an act of touch i) your hands are your primary tools for touching ii) sex always begins with the hands a) we all touch ourselves as babies and are taught it’s wrong i) this becomes our primary conditioning around sex and our bodies ii) we regard our sexual urges as “bad” and therefore develop abnormal sexual desires (including all variety of fantasy) 7) touch can be profoundly healing (or wounding) a) almost ALL of us have been wounded through (or around) touch [deep impact on our consciousness] i) physical abuse ii) having our sexual urges suppressed iii) physical neglect iv) we replay these wounds.com . b) 4 types of good touch i) comforting ii) therapeutic iii) sensual iv) sexual c) to be comfortable with sexual touch. at least.goodhandz. more or less. capacities become abilities enabling the individual to make the fine discriminations that endow the particular sensations with particular meanings. not to mention the abnormal or pathological expressions which sex may take. and so on. that is by learning.com . he learns to develop the sensitivities inherent in his skin.goodhandz. Just as he has to learn the ability of stereognosis so. or he does not. a language which has the kinds of things to say to the other that can be said in no other way. a means of hurting or exploiting others. ii) reassuring iii) relieving stress iv) providing much-needed pleasure 8) you must learn to get comfortable with touch (reprogram yourself) a) if you’ve been negatively conditioned around touch i) we all have been. an affirmation or a rejection of masculinity or femininity.” (stereognosis is the ability to perceive shape and form through touch) Page 6 of 18 www. are influenced by early tactile experience. a way of self-denial or self-assertion. a bargaining point. all. to some degree ii) “The enormous variety of meanings which sex may have for different individuals. and every human being has to learn how to make such fine discriminations. a mode of defense. too. An ability is a trained capacity.” a) comfortable with giving touch i) practice the exercises in this program ii) practice using platonic forms of touch (comforting and therapeutic) b) comfortable with receiving touch i) get a (non-sexual) massage 9) good touch is part talent and part learned behavior a) “Through repetition. an exchange of love. Most of the time. rhythm. Hence. men are either grabbing and groping. and be sincere c) focusing too much on technical things will take you out of the moment. speed. immersed in sensation B) What Women Want (in a sexual relationship) 1) to feel safe a) a woman desires to feel safe with a man. or unconsciously stroking. and communication b) “What men need to understand is that intimacy is a conversation. You want to be in your body. just play. bodily contact is to a woman an act of great intimacy and a far-reaching concession. a woman who refuses intimate connection with a man is roused to indignation if he touches her against her will. explore. period b) she cannot get turned on if she doesn’t feel safe c) you MUST be aware of and respect a woman’s BOUNDARIES i) cats and dogs ii)women are more vulnerable iii) “Tactile stimulation is much more meaningful to females than it is to males. "How dare you touch me!" d) a woman is more physically and emotionally vulnerable than a man in sexual and romantic interactions i) “swept off her feet” 2) connection and intimacy a) this implies vulnerability or both of you. and repulses him with the withering words.” -Anonymous woman 3) to feel cherished a) paying attention to and enjoying a woman’s company makes her feel cherished 4) to feel nurtured Page 7 of 18 www. 10) there are different elements of touch a) pressure. duration. etc.com . b) don’t worry about these.goodhandz. As Fritz Kahn says. put you in your head. ” 7) to be handled a) women actually like rough interactions in many cases Page 8 of 18 www. as a number of things must happen for a woman. twenty-one. the more turned on she can get d) “At all ages the female is very much more responsive to tactile stimuli than the male. physiologically. Twenty-six of the women had made direct requests to be held. before she is ready to be penetrated c) the more skill you have with your touch. or slightly more than one-half.” b) you can hold a woman in every interaction. but they want sex just as much as men ii) (just not what’s being offered) b) remember that she can’t be turned on if she doesn’t feel safe c) women usually require ample foreplay in order to be turned on i) this is partially psychological ii) it is also physiological.” 6) to be turned on a) women want sex just as much as men!!! i) women’s sexual desires may be a little different. at least in part. every touch c) Ashley Montagu writes: “To put one's arms around another is communicate love to the other. a) this means you’re taking care of her b) your simple presence (inner quiet) is nurturing to her c) touching her lovingly is nurturing to her 5) to feel held a) this is actually the primary reason many women have sex “Of the group of thirty-nine women patients. had used sex to entice a male to hold them. for which another word is security. but cultural differences undoubtedly also play a role in the development of tactual responsiveness as between the sexes. genetic.com . who depends more upon visual stimuli.goodhandz. and more dependent upon touch for erotic arousal than the male. The difference seems to be. d) some women. Sensations that under ordinary circumstances would be painful. “In sexual arousal the whole sensory character of the skin is heightened.com .goodhandz. i) but they ALWAYS need to feel safe to enjoy it b) you can handle a woman using Gentle Firmness* c) handling a woman basically means i) restraining her ii) picking her up iii) grabbing her iv) turning her over v) etc. a pain always directed at and experienced through the skin” 8) a ‘confident’ man a) the difference between confident and aggressive i) confidence is gained through experience and mastery ii) aggression is a product of insecurity -it’s obvious when a guy is trying to act confident that he’s obviously insecure b) “You touched me like you owned me. when turned on. often become intensely pleasurable. Some women in the midst of orgasm will cry out to be hurt and will enjoy the pain inflicted upon them.” -ex-girlfriend 9) presence a) let go of strategizing and actually be with the woman b) presence is just basic focused attention c) having clear. desire intense tactile stimulation that would be painful if they were not turned on. calm presence is enough to melt a woman 10) skilllzzz a) women are impressed by many skills .these are the top 3 i) conversation ii) style and grooming iii) bedroom skills -bedroom skills are 80% HANDZ Page 9 of 18 www. Sex seems to be regarded as a tension releaser rather than as a profoundly meaningful act of communication in a deeply involving human relationship. crassness.” “The oft-heard complaint directed by women at the clumsiness.” 3) not understanding/feeling women a) the best way to learn about women is to pay attention to them. delicacy of touch. men's lack of skill in foreplay and their failure to understand its meaning. The roughness with which many men will handle women and children constitutes yet another evidence of their having been failed in early tactile experience. for it is difficult to conceive of anyone who had been tenderly loved and caressed in infancy not learning to approach a woman or a child with especial tenderness. caring for.” .goodhandz. and incompetence of men in their sexual approaches and in sexual intercourse itself.“Touching..] C) What’s Stopping You From Giving Women What They Want 1) negative examples of relating to women a) porn is male-pleasure focused fantasy i) drilling and controlling a woman ii) degrading her iii) lack of adequate foreplay b) most media shows bad examples of sex i) 2) lack of experience and education (in relating and with touch) a) nobody taught you b) women don’t give helpful feedback c) you weren’t paying attention d) “Women have always in great numbers complained of the male's lack of tenderness sexually and in general. almost certainly substantially reflects the lack of tactile experience that such males have suffered in childhood. The very word tenderness implies softness. to listen to them Page 10 of 18 www.. is the most frequently slandered animal when women wish to describe the sexual approaches of the average male.com . that gentle creature. [NOTICE that ALL THREE of these skills have a DIRECT effect on them. The gorilla. goodhandz.com . you have to not only do. in general a) practice using comforting and therapeutic touch more 8) you don’t know how your own touch feels a) must start touching yourself to gain sensory awareness b) pay closer attention to a woman’s responses i) remember that intimacy is a conversation. women want to be felt 4) lack of self-control (being too aggressive) a) studies have shown that women’s biggest complaint about men is that they are too sexually aggressive i) one reason women interpret men as being sexually aggressive is simply because they have not eased a woman into sexual interaction . doesn’t know that his needs will be met ii) a man is secure and knows that he will get what he wants if he is patient and works for his reward 5) neediness a) NEEDY: Nobody Ever Even Desires You b) nothing kills any relationship more than neediness c) women will FEEL your neediness when you touch them d) aggression actually comes from neediness 6) you’re nervous and lack confidence a) pay attention b) practice c) forget yourself 7) you may be uncomfortable with touch. not understood. b) though.the first kiss .” -Oscar Wilde c) you should pay more attention to wanting to “feel” a woman than understanding her d) men want to be understood. but pay attention to the response 8) sex-negative culture (mixed messages about pleasure) Page 11 of 18 www. what differentiates a boy and a man is self-control i) a child is insecure. the fact is that you will never really understand women i) “Women are meant to be loved.moving too fast b) primarily. pure.goodhandz. while the female seems to retain more of the larger overall tactuality of infancy while exhibiting especial sensitivity in breasts.” -anonymous woman 3) hold them a) remember women want to be held just as much as they want sex b) holding a woman helps her feel safe with you c) ABH (Always be holding) 4) tease them a) this is part of going slow and it drives them crazy b) teasing is done mostly WITH YOUR HANDS 5) enjoy foreplay a) teasing is part of foreplay b) learn to enjoy giving her pleasure c) many women find foreplay MORE pleasurable than intercourse! d) foreplay is NOT just giving her head i) it is mostly HANDS 5) take control (when they feel safe) 6) touch them everywhere a) every part of a woman’s body is an erogenous zone b) “The tactual-cutaneous sensitivity of the genitals at puberty becomes more acute and in the male becomes the major focus of his sexuality. a) we are taught to devalue our simple. labiae and clitoris. sexual expression and desire b) yet we are immersed in sexual imagery and are told that we are not men if we are not getting sex c) this all results in a great deal of anxiety (and lack of confidence) D) How to Give Women What They Want 1) slow down 2) be present (aware) 3) have self-control “There’s nothing hotter than a man who knows how to withhold his sexual energy.com .” 7) stop strategizing and worrying about doing everything right Page 12 of 18 www. needs. and mechanical relating. a) technique is good. not just to affect 5) Slow Down (go at her pace) a) female arousal rate b) women need to feel safe Page 13 of 18 www. not an object i) care for her like you would care for a baby or a child b) all human beings desire to be loved (sex and intimacy are opportunities to love each other) c) the more loving your intention is. the more you will usually get 2) Lovingness a) you have to recognize her as a human being. is a poor substitute for the real thing c) the more aware you are. not to get (you get what you give) c) focus on her pleasure. the better your touch will feel 4) Feeling and Sensitivity a) the ability to feel acutely. the better your touch will feel and the more love you’ll get in return 3) Awareness a) everything is learned through awareness. and caring. by ‘paying attention’ b) if you’re not using awareness. not what you’re getting d) the more you truly give. to feel all the differences (every woman is different in every moment) b) sensitivity to a woman’s boundaries. and desires sensitivity with your touch/hands c) touch to feel. but caring is best b) so long as you are aware. mechanical touching. you’ll do alright E) Primary Principles of the Program 1) Givingness a) the most important principle of this program b) give to give. present. you are acting mechanically.goodhandz.com . through exploration b) play is joyful.” -anonymous woman 6) The Woman is In Charge a) for harmony. not serious (though. really being there c)intimacy implies vulnerability. not give-take d) play is a push-pull interaction e) sex is best when playful.com . all your anxiety and desires fall away (just be the container) 8) Connection and Intimacy a) women usually desire more connection and intimacy in order to allow sex b) connection requires presence. simple and innocent c) give-give. the person who is more vulnerable must have the first and final say b) women invite advances. the advance is shut down or she is violated 7) Holding (and “holding space”) a) a safe space where nothing is required b) the man should hold a woman like a wine glass holds wine (Mike Lousada) c) when you hold a woman. let yourself. c) sexual tension builds as you move slowly d) must pay attention to her signals “There is nothing hotter than a man who knows how to withhold his sexual energy.goodhandz. without invitation. as you are (this is powerful) 9) Playfulness a) we all learn through play. really being seen. sincere) 10) Gentle Firmness a) an animal picking up its baby b) a handshake c) a gentleman d) the wind 11) Microcosmic Touch a) every part affects the whole Page 14 of 18 www. goodhandz.without awareness i) this is usually touching with too much force or too lightly ii) touching should always be deliberate (whether light or firm) iii) do not touch tentatively b) never restrain a woman unless she is already VERY comfortable w/ you c) usually avoid touching a woman’s belly unless she’s very comfortable d) don’t reach for a woman’s face or neck (or head) unless she’s already very comfortable with you e) reach for a woman’s ass or breasts (in early interactions) III) Solo Exercises A) Hand Strength Exercises [see ‘Solo Exercises’ Document] B) Hand Sensitivity Exercises [see ‘Solo Exercises’ Document] C) Feeling Your Own Touch [see ‘Solo Exercises’ Document] D) Self-Pleasuring Exercise [see ‘Solo Exercises’ Document] Page 15 of 18 www. touch it as if you are touching her whole being c) every part of a woman’s body is an erogenous zone F) Some Other Things 1) chemistry 2) variability of women’s desires and preferences 3) Some women you’ll be able to feel more than others (this may be due to chemistry and it may be due to her own type of energy) i) the more turned on a woman is.com . b) when you touch one part. This is because she is radiating more energy 3) confidence and dominance 4) being vulnerable G) What NOT To Do a) touch mechanically . the more you can feel her energy. goodhandz. Just don’t be a creep and expect it to move into a make-out. moving to neck 3) ask if you can massage scalp 4) move to temples 5) light micro-brushes up nape of neck 6) bindu point 7) ears D) Basic Make-Out 1) most guys go wrong at the first kiss a) not enough touch leading up to it b) not reading body language / bad timing c) grabbing inappropriately during kiss d) going in too forcefully with the lips and/or tongue 2) start with more touching. hold touches longer] 1) hug a) brush arms down side variations (also with hands/pinkies) 2) handshake a) two-handed variation 3) cheek-kiss greeting a) variations with hands 4) touch in neutral touch zone a) B) Prep for making out 1) keep your nails trimmed and clean 2) wash your hands 3) are your hands cold? C) A little massage [this is a kind thing to do for a woman.com . ideally Page 16 of 18 www. you’ll do pretty well 2) starting with shoulders.IV) Model Demo A) Initial Touches [to communicate more sensuality and sexual interest.] 1) so long as you are paying attention. as well as a possible lead-in to a make-out. caveats and exceptions a) sometimes women are just really hot and horny and want to move fast (1) sometimes this is actually what they want and you should go for it (2) sometimes. pushing H) Holding I) Cuddling V. is just hinting at restraining.every zone is an erogenous zone 2) generally. pushing with gentle pressure 2) sexual strokes are more clutching. initially. not actually restraining (It is PLAY) G) Moving from Sensual touch to Sexual Touch 1) sensual strokes are more smooth. strokes that move toward a woman’s primary erogenous zones will turn her on more F) Restraining 1) restraining is ‘hot.it’s EZ .goodhandz. a) start with comforting touch > therapeutic/sensual > sexual b) the “sexual touch” begins when you are cued! i) sexual touch has more of a push-pull feel to it E) Erogenous Zones and Specific Strokes 1) Remember . more gripping.’ but cannot be employed if the woman is not already comfortable 2) the best kind of restraining. spontaneity and intuition a) you want to be feeling more than thinking b) you want to “listen” to the woman’s body c) you can ask yourself “how would she want to be touched?” and “how would this part of her body want to be touched?” 2. A few other things: 1. pulling.com . it’s what they think they’ll want and they’ll regret it later (3) best to err on the side of moving slowly b) some women want to play the more dominant role and to take charge Page 17 of 18 www. CONCLUSION A. you will move from the least erogenous zones to the most erogenous zones (coolest to hottest) 3) generally. story about me and a friend in a hot-tub Page 18 of 18 www. Alcohol inhibits awareness a) can make you move too fast b) can make your touch very sloppy c) can make you less attractive d) people use alcohol not to “feel” fear or anxiety. “Great power. Therefore the man possessing Great Power is mostly concerned with correctness.” R. sensitivity B. All of his actions have significant influence on others. (1) you don’t always have to be in the dominant role (2) if you are accustomed to playing the dominant role. but it can also inhibit things that are really good to feel. what he thinks is felt. or to lead it into chaos and evil.com . Ethics and a story about ethics (and alcohol) 1. if you follow what I’m telling you in this program. when it befalls a man. He has the wherewithal to bring enlightenment and progress to his world. Wing 3. sometimes it’s good to relax and surrender 3.” -”I Ching Workbook. He can greatly further his inner development or completely exhaust himself. What he says is heard.L. is a true test of his characters.goodhandz. you will have far more power with women a) more power makes sex more available b) makes it easier to hurt women c) more require requires more responsibility 2. without having to think.which tell us either if theyʼre interested or not. who tend to read body language accurately and effortlessly. and thereʼs no need for you to memorize them all of them. there are literally hundreds of body language cues people use. Emotions happen in and speak through our bodies. we miss a lot of important cues from women . The reason is that body language is an emotional language. it is necessary to respond appropriately to their body language. this means weʼre either reading and processing their body language subconsciously. where youʼll naturally pick up on more body language. or want us to come closer or to back off. Though. and therefore have an easier time “speaking” and “listening to” body language. mostly unconsciously. in touch with their and other peopleʼs emotions. Some of us are naturals at reading body language. Since we (men) tend to suck at reading body language. Because weʼre not naturally gifted like women are. than to be obsessed with figuring it all out. and women are more in touch with that level of expression. This is in sharp contrast to women. and women are simply more in their bodies. it can be helpful for us to know what a few specific signals (usually) mean. Itʼs actually more effective to be in a calm. They process it subconsciously. -SOME NOTES ON READING BODY LANGUAGE- In order to successfully connect with women. or weʼre consciously paying attention to and interpreting it. attentive state. Of course. page 1 of 8 www.com .goodhandz. but most of us (men) basically suck at it. Therefore. She wants to know you care about and feel how she feels.goodhandz. 2) itʼs also helpful because it places your attention more on THE WOMAN and less on you and your fears and anxieties. 1) helpful in knowing whether a woman is interested in you or not. This pisses them off and stresses them out. Next time you talk with a woman. and what she might think of you. Often. but more importantly. you might as well pay more attention to her feeling state.. Try it. She could care less about what you think she thinks. Thatʼs what she wants. Youʼll probably feel a little more relaxed.Iʼm going to tell you about some specific cues here. Since you canʼt read a womanʼs mind. all which will help you visually see a womanʼs boundaries and her desires. and youʼll be more “in touch” with her. the key is always ATTENTION. But you donʼt want all your attention wrapped up in ANALYZING her body language.. but. anyway. etc. seeing and feeling their body language is a very practical step in this direction. 3) This has another great benefit. and they want us to SEE and FEEL them. And you want to know that she feels good. Just as frequently. So pay ATTENTION! Now. focus less on yourself. because that means youʼre doing a good job. and just place a little more attention on her body language..com . We can be SO oblivious. and how you look.” opportunities and invitations to connect. we are missing open signals and “indicators of interest. It is not only. and what to say.. by paying attention to her movements. and probably would still be lost.. Paying attention to womenʼs body language more has a few major benefits. This also frustrates women. WOMEN LOVE ATTENTION. Iʼm going to give you some general guidelines. we blow our chances with women by either being unaware of closed body language and therefore violating their boundaries. Donʼt get hung up on it and donʼt make a big deal of page 2 of 8 www. even if you could. BOUNDARIES Itʼs really important to be careful not to cross a womanʼs boundaries. but if you want to learn more about this fascinating subject. because it usually ruins your chances of connecting with the woman and makes her lose respect for you. and a whole range of other emotions. With regard to desires. because itʼs unkind and forces her to have to either defend herself.it. These are the main things youʼll start wanting to notice when youʼre interacting. when their bodies open up or close.wikihow. or to put up with your blind ass. Some guys. DESIRES. Notice when they draw closer or farther away. we can be talking about attraction.com/Read-Body-Language BOUNDARIES.ʻ Especially start watching womenʼs body language when they are interacting with men. as well as her desires and aversions (what she wants and doesnʼt want). The body generally will point where it wants to go. and is a quick read: http://www. Notice their emotional states and just start quietly asking yourself what their movements and gestures mean. and AVERSIONS For now. or desiring something else. When youʼre by yourself. i. This will get you more ʻtuned in. I recommend reading “The Definitive Book of Body Language” by Allan and Barbara Pease. and two. like walking away and getting back to her friends. or when they turn toward or away from the man. and start integrating it into your awareness. start making a practice of watching peopleʼs body language and seeing what you pick up on.goodhandz. The best way to not cross her boundaries is to notice how her body language changes and try to get a sense of whether sheʼs open to you or closed.com . one way or another. desiring you. genuinely caring. This is also a good basic resource.e. you should know that a womanʼs body language will communicate her boundaries. become too fearful page 3 of 8 www. Iʼll talk more about that further down. for one. Just get a decent foundation in understanding what some common body language signals mean. but around people. Iʼll give you a few pointers here. :) Closed positions involve the limbs being crossed over each other. with regard to a womanʼs body language are: A. If you can relax a bit more. but she also may do it because she is cold. Open vs. which is why itʼs also really good to a) know how to touch respectfully. or arms across the body.goodhandz. Closed Is her body is open and relaxed or if it is closed and tight? If her body language is open and relaxed. when interpreting a personʼs body language. she feels comfortable with you and youʼre at least not creeping her out. and start paying more attention. and b) be aware of some basic Indicators of Interest. Believe it. is also closed. If it is closed and tense. page 4 of 8 www. you need to put together a whole string of signals. It could be you. she may. MIXED SIGNALS and MISINTERPRETATION One thing to be aware of. knowing more about “indicators of interest” (IOIs) can be helpful. the body being sunken into itself. is that individual signals do not necessarily give you an accurate read of their emotional state. head down.of crossing womenʼs boundaries. a woman might cross her arms because she is disinterested in you or uncomfortable for some reason. also. The same basic movement or position can mean different things. She may blink a lot because she is flirting with you. Also. Good luck with that. sheʼs uncomfortable for some reason. and 2) weʼre bashful and insecure and have a hard time believing some cute girl is flirting with us or inviting us to connect. buddy. To accurately analyze body language. or it could be that her contact lenses are irritating her eyes. For example. aversions. desires. rather than basing your judgment on one or two. it could be something else. INDICATORS of INTEREST (see list on page 6) Especially if youʼre shy. Guys usually miss IOIs because 1) we suck at reading body language. THE BASICS The primary and most fundamental things youʼll want to be aware of. hunched over.com . etc. looking confident. (Remember. It does not necessarily mean “kiss me now” (though it may). Being angled slightly away indicates that you donʼt need to connect. limbs away from the body. but that you want to. but it does mean youʼre on the right track. as if you are demanding her space and attention. when talking with a woman. When she feels comfortable. If she draws nearer. Thatʼs what you want. C.goodhandz. This is about how much space people usually feel comfortable having between them and a person they are conversing with. If she is oriented away from you. She may feel trapped . she wants to be closer with you. for whatever reason. If things get more interesting. If she creates distance.6 meters). but maintain the connection if you can. donʼt close the gap with her.bad news. Proximity Be aware of whether she is drawing nearer to you or pulling farther away.. If you get closer. legs apart. It is usually a good idea. she will turn toward you. she wants immediate one on one connection. If sheʼs facing you directly. wrists showing. chin up. Direction Be aware of whether her body is oriented toward you or away from you. she will usually change her position. not to immediately square your body off toward her. to face you more directly. It is best to angle yourself slightly away from her initially. Donʼt panic. If youʼre too far away. Itʼs an OBVIOUS SIGN you should not miss. even if it is just one of her legs pointing away from you. chest out. If she gets very close to you she probably wants you to touch her.Open positions are upright. A good general rule for proximity.. Donʼt stress it. Comforting touch first! Watch the Initial touches video!). B. as this can feel intimidating. sheʼs not fully invested in the interaction. Respect her space and she may warm up to you more. you may make her uncomfortable and blow your chances. you will feel disconnected.com . is two feet (.stressed. page 5 of 8 www. so she feels free to stay or go. ” Usually. Often mirroring helps the other person relax. So start paying more attention. but sometimes women deliberately make these things as obvious as they can. Please remember. When sheʼs sitting: • sits up straight with her muscles firm • legs are open. along with a smile and eye contact page 6 of 8 www. after being mirrored. not crossed • legs are rubbing against each other • one leg is rubbing on a leg of the table • one leg is pointing toward you • she bounces or plays with her shoe while looking at you Hair: • runs her fingers through her hair • plays with her hair while looking at you • pulls a string of hair between her lips • tossing her hair back over her shoulders Eyes: • her pupils are dilated and she looks deep into your eyes with clear interest • raises her eyebrows.MIRRORING One way to handle closed body language is to “mirror” it. Even small groups of people will adopt common positions and postures while interacting. you do that. Mirroring is something all people do subconsciously.” or “I feel you. Most of this list I found online and was compiled by a guy called Sebastian Reef. I have added a few. too.goodhandz. So. because it naturally helps to build rapport. This means that you will just match her body language. because they HOPE we will pick up on them. Start noticing how people will match each otherʼs body language during conversations.com . the other personʼs closed body language will dissolve and open up. by subconsciously communicating that “we are on the same page. INDICATORS of INTEREST LIST Here are some classic IOIs for you. some of these signals can easily mean other things. if she folds her arms over each other. And yet. she is probably looking at you as a potential sexual partner. In other words. between the other personʼs eyes.goodhandz. but not sexually interested in. moving down to their chest. So how you feel affects your body language. etc. with somebody we are comfortable with. then back up to the eyes. etc. page 7 of 8 www.com . women do this) • she draws attention to her lips while looking at you (putting on lipstick. if you change your posture. down to their mouth. The truth is that your body language will demonstrate to a woman how you are feeling. or nervous and anxious. If you notice a womanʼs gaze moves down past your mouth to your chest. YOUR BODY LANGUAGE OK. when we are engaged in a normal conversation.) • sheʼs clearly having a really good time with you • she takes a few seconds to preen (to adjust her clothes or hair) • she draws closer to you • she makes subtle eye contact with you • she checks you out EYES and TRIANGLE PATTERNS Another interesting thing to be aware of is that. I couldnʼt leave you here without saying a few words about your body language. whether youʼre happy and confident. our gaze will subtly make a larger triangle. If we are interested in somebody sexually. then back up to their eyes. Your whole energy can shift. you will feel different emotionally.• she blinks more and flutters her eyelashes Miscellaneous: • she opens herself up • she exposes her wrists • she strokes her body • she fondles something cylindrical (yes. our gaze will move in a triangle. your body language can also have an influence on how you feel. So you have two basic ways out of this. Thatʼs where men tend to go when they think “confident. they are so shy and nervous that their body language usually gives off all kinds of indications of this.is imagine your entire vertebral column (spine) is being suspended by a string. right? Well. 2) you can make a conscious effort of simply paying more attention to your posture. But often. Remember that being confident is being relaxed. from the crown of your head. too. Take a deep breath and relax and feel yourself being suspended.com . most people “preen” and adjust their posture. that will take some time. coming out of the sky. etc. page 8 of 8 www. The best posture advice I can give you . or depend on your mood. etc. subconsciously. which is actually unattractive to most women. and it just looks stiff and unnatural.Naturally. Not necessary. You will actually notice you feel better. Personally.. 1) you really learn how to relax and feel happy and confident when you approach a woman . when men approach women.. that is pulling you up.which would be ideal.. while being upright. Let your shoulders relax. and even “put on” more confident body language. when they come into contact with an attractive person. You probably do. holding their arms in awkward positions. Iʼve seen a lot of guys puffing out their chests. suck in their bellies. But beware of adopting cocky and aggressive body language.. Enjoy. Far better to be relaxed and upright.” They take it too far into “aggressive” and arrogant.goodhandz.and there is lots out there . I think itʼs worth an experiment to see how it works for you.